Winner Takes All
by Sakura's Unicorn
Summary: Team Seven plays cards for shots. The game changes when Naruto passes out and Sakura suggests upping the ante. Written for the SasuSaku Headcanons prompt "The Mystery: Does Sasuke wear boxers, briefs, or a fundoshi?" Post-canon SasuSaku. One-shot.


Sasuke held the whiskey in his mouth for a moment, staving off the inevitable burn, before swallowing with a grimace. "Shit," he hissed as he slammed the shot glass on the table.

"Too much for ya, loser?"

He squinted with menace at Naruto's taunt. "Shut up and deal."

"It's Sakura's turn."

"I'm dealing. Keep your shirt on, Uchiha."

Naruto snorted sharply then erupted into belly laughs that left him teary-eyed. "Ahh! You're so funny, Sakura-chan."

Face twisted with confusion, she turned to Sasuke for an explanation of Naruto's weird outburst. He shrugged—Naruto was drunk. He was drunk, too, but Naruto was _really_ drunk.

_It's his own fault for being such a shitty card player. He was the one who proposed the stakes—loser does a shot. You'd think he'd be better at playing. Or drinking._ Naruto's fist held up his face as he grinned like an idiot, his eyes barely slits. _Sakura's had a few drinks, too. _He smirked as he watched her recount the cards she'd just dealt three times.

_I suppose we needed this_. It felt like they didn't have a minute since the war ended—missions started almost immediately after. Sasuke found himself lining up beside Team Seven, wearing a Konoha hitai-ate. _I needed this_, he thought as he fanned out his cards. He glanced from them to his giggling teammates and something warm curled in his belly. It wasn't just the alcohol.

"How many?"

"Five," Naruto said, flinging his hand down and folding his arms.

"You can't have five. Deal with the hand you've got."

Under his breath, Naruto mumbled, "Worst dealer ever…"

Sakura caught him by the collar of his jacket, hoisting him up. "What did you say?"

"I said…I said…you're the best!"

"That's what I thought."

When Sasuke chuckled, she let go and Naruto fell back to the floor. Sakura's slack-jawed expression slowly morphed into a wide, loopy grin. "Naruto! Sasuke-kun laughed!"

"Sign of the apocalypse, Sakura-chan." He slid another whiskey Sasuke's way. "About time you loosened up."

Silently agreeing, he knocked back the shot and his head swirled pleasantly. "Two cards." Smirking at his teammates, he announced, "Last one standing's Hokage."

"You did not go there!" Naruto struggled to his feet, swaying dangerously. "Hokage is _my_ dream, asshole! Get your own!"

Sakura cleared her throat, looking much more composed than she did a second ago. "Both of you better watch my back." With a poison-sweet smile, she added, "Believe it."

Cards flew back and forth across the table as hands were won and lost. After three more shots, Sasuke could barely form words, but his determination to win hadn't diminished. With all of his inebriated attention focused on the game, he startled when something _whumped_ against the table. A kunai leapt into his hand, heart beating uncomfortably fast. "What the hell?"

"Naruto! Freaking pain in the... He's out cold."

Sasuke's breathing slowed when he saw his teammate sprawled on the table, snoring and drooling on the cards.

"Just great," he complained, knowing they'd have to dead lift the moron to his bed. "You grab his arms, and I'll—"

"I'm good."

As easily as if she were carrying a small child, Sakura hoisted Naruto across her shoulder and deposited him on a futon across the room. Remembering the twig-armed girl she used to be, Sasuke shook his head in disbelief. _I'll never get used to that_, he thought as he ducked inside the bathroom for a quick piss. He came out to Naruto spread-eagle in his boxers, snoring loud enough to shake the windows, and Sakura shuffling the deck.

"I'm done, Sakura. I can't play anymore."

She ruffled the cards together and clacked them against the table. "So you concede the title of Hokage to me?"

Sasuke grabbed the strap of his shuriken holster, trying to thread it through the buckle as he snorted. "Not a chance."

"You were the one who set the stakes, Sasuke-kun—_last one standing's Hokage_. I'm still standing."

"I…" The thought of drinking one more shot turned his stomach.

"Tell you what—how about we change the punishment for losing? No more shots."

A knee-jerk, competition-stoked response flew out of his mouth. "I can still drink. I'm fine."

"Riiight." Sakura turned a pointed look to his thigh where he was still struggling to unbuckle his holster.

His face went warm—he was pretty drunk, but he would never admit it. As he continued to wrestle with his gear, Sakura's hands closed over his, pushing them aside as she easily unlatched it. His face went hot when her fingertips brushed his thigh.

"Instead of playing for shots, we can play for clothes."

She was so close, her hand lingering on his leg. All he could do was nod dumbly, not really sure what he was agreeing to, but hoping it meant more of this.

"Great!" She jumped back to her side of the table. "I'll deal first."

Feeling slightly hoodwinked, Sasuke took up his cards. _What a crappy hand._ He dropped three cards, took up new ones, and chuffed in disgust. _This doesn't help any._

"Ready?"

He threw his hand down. "Pair of Jacks."

"Ha! I have two pair—Kings over nines. I win!"

Sasuke gathered up the cards and started shuffling.

"Hang on. You have to give me something."

"What are you talking about?"

"I said we were playing for clothes. Hand over your shirt, please." She tilted her head and smiled widely, sending a shockwave through Sasuke.

They were playing strip poker. And he'd just lost.

With an enormous effort and a surprising amount of luck, Sasuke managed to win the next two hands. Distracting as it was to have Sakura right across the table from him in nothing but her bra and panties, he _would not_ lose. He trained his eyes on the deck as he shuffled for what would be the final round.

"It's cold in here." Sakura rubbed her arms and hugged herself.

He shrugged. Despite being shirtless, Sasuke was so full of whiskey that he could've walked naked in a snowstorm and not felt the slightest chill.

She rubbed her arms again before reaching for her shirt. He clamped a hand down on his prize. "It's _mine_ now," he said, staring her down.

Sakura squinted right back at him. They were locked in this contest for another moment before she snatched something from beside her and wiggled into it.

"So much better," she said, snuggling into her newfound clothes.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"That's _mine_."

"Yours?" Sakura smiled diabolically and tucked her legs into Sasuke's oversized shirt. "It's _mine_ now."

He shot her his best glare, but she continued to look well-satisfied as she curled up in his clothes.

"Last hand," he announced, snapping each card down in front of them with deliberation.

"Only if I lose."

Sasuke grunted noncommittally as he looked over his cards.

"One, please." She tossed the card in his direction, long sleeves lapping against her wrists.

He dealt her card and tucked two new cards into his hand. Revealing each with his thumb, Sasuke was staggered by his good luck. _Ten…Jack…shit! A straight flush!_ His mouth curled into a grin. _Say goodbye to the last of your clothes, Sakura._

Placing a shot in front of him and holding up her own, she said, "To being Hokage."

He clanked his glass against hers. "Yeah. I'm going to enjoy being your boss."

She snorted and downed her drink. "Fat chance."

"I'll be a benevolent ruler." He smirked. "I won't make you get me lunch _every_ day."

"Put up or shut up, Uchiha."

He threw back the shot and laid his cards on the table. "I think you mean _Uchiha-sama_."

When Sakura's forehead crinkled and she frowned in defeat, Sasuke couldn't contain his grin. His throat still burned from the alcohol that gave him the boldness to reach out and snap her bra strap when she slapped her cards down.

"Royal flush, baby!" She stood up, throwing her hands in the air and whooping. "Who's Hokage now, huh?"

Sasuke folded his arms and scowled. "Doesn't make you Hokage."

"You're right. Game's not over yet. But it does get me your pants." She held out a hand. "Take 'em off, Sasuke-kun."

"No."

Sakura put her hands on her hips. "What do you mean _no_? We had a deal, now hand them over."

Leaning forward to hide his face with his bangs, he said, "I can't."

"Can't?" She tucked his hair behind his ear. "Or won't?"

He could feel his face getting warm, so he shook his hair loose to hide the tell-tale red on his cheeks.

"Sasuke-kun?"

"Can't."

She grabbed his chin to face her. "Why not?"

He swallowed hard—the droopy collar of his shirt gave him a clear view of her cleavage. "I'm…not…"

"Sasuke-kun, it's okay that you lost." She smirked. "I promise I won't tell Naruto."

Shaking his head, he mumbled, "That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm not…"

"Yes?"

He sighed heavily—this was beyond embarrassing. "I'm not wearing any underwear."

Sakura's face was expressionless for a moment before she erupted with laughter, falling backwards and clutching her stomach as she rolled on the floor. "You're not…not…" she stuttered out between laughs. Sasuke fumed until she got control of herself, wiping her eyes and sitting up.

She poured another round of drinks and touched her glass to his. "Looks like I'm Hokage then." Leaning in, her fingers gliding up his thigh, she whispered in his ear, "But I still want those pants, Sasuke-kun."

* * *

Written for the lovely folks over at SasuSaku Headcanons. This was so much fun! Thanks so much for the wonderful prompt and the beautiful graphic!

As always, I would be flailing in the dark without my fellow-bacon lover, Unicorn Paige. She pokes me with a fork until I write and then edits it all into pretty shapes. Thanks, Paige!

And thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it! Please check out all the amazing SasuSaku goodness at SSHC right now!


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